


Of Riddles and True Love

by rurousha



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Riddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rurousha/pseuds/rurousha
Summary: Oswald has had a long night.  His and Ed's plot is foiled once again, but this time by Superman.  It's a strange night.
Relationships: Batman/Superman, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 27
Kudos: 133





	Of Riddles and True Love

“You do realize that Batman usually just dumps us at the GCPD and leaves, right?” Oswald asked. “You don’t need to stay here and guard us.”

Superman waved off Oswald’s concern. “I don’t mind,” he said. As if him minding was at all the point.

Oswald Copplepot and Edward Nygma were seated side-by-side on a concrete bench half a block from one of the smaller GCPD precinct buildings. Their hands were tied behind their backs with thin but very secure cord. A local officer had radioed in to Commissioner Gordon, requesting a more secure escort for the two supervillains than what they had on hand. Superman had offered to watch them until it arrived.

Superman’s presence was certainly a surprise. Oswald had never seen him in person. He didn’t fit into Gotham at all. His bright colors and squared shoulders clashed with Gotham’s gothic architecture. He was even floating over the ground, feet pointed down, and the streetlight they were under haloed his hair so that it looked more gold than black.

“What are you even doing here?” Oswald spat at him.

If Superman noticed the undercurrent of hostility, he didn’t show it.

“Gotham’s really busy tonight,” Superman answered easily. “I figured I’d help Batman out.”

“Then shouldn’t you be with him?” Ed asked.

Finally, Superman’s face betrayed something other than neutral attention. He pulled an almost guilty face. “Batman doesn’t actually like it when the rest of us come into Gotham. He doesn’t know I’m here.”

“That sounds like him, the territorial loner,” Oswald groused.

“Actually, bats are highly social, cooperative creatures, and vampire bats will even share food with their favorite individuals in their colony by regurgitating blood into their mouths.”

Both Oswald and Superman just looked at Ed.

After a beat, Superman just said, “Neat.” He didn’t even sound sarcastic.

He floated over to the bench and sat down a few feet from Ed. His cape draped behind him, and he folded his hands on his lap. Oswald thought he must be holding something back, because he was practically vibrating in anticipation.

“Did you want something?” Oswald snapped at the superhero from Ed’s other side.

Instead of directly responding to Oswald, Superman turned slightly to face Ed. 

“I like riddles.” Superman smiled, and the whole street seemed to light up.

Oh no.

The Riddler’s pupils dilated, and his breathing picked up. 

“Oswald,” he breathed to his partner, completely unable to contain his excitement. “We have the wrong superhero.”

~

“I can fill a room or just one heart. Others may have me, but I cannot be shared. What am I?”

Ed and Superman had shifted to face each other better, and Oswald glared at where their knees were touching. Ed’s shoulder brushed Oswald’s as he turned. Oswald huffed and angled himself away from the pair, though he kept the contact at their shoulders. 

“Hm,” Superman hummed as he thought. “It has to be an emotion, or you wouldn’t mention heart. Love is close, but it can be shared. So, what is an emotion that cannot be shared? Something that goes away when shared. Loneliness.”

“Yes! Oh, dear, you are so much more engaging than that stuffy old bat. He never plays my games.”

“Actually, Batman loves riddles and word-play. The only thing he loves more than puns and puzzles are dinosaurs. He just doesn’t play with you because of the whole death and destruction part.”

“Really?” Ed squeaked. His voice went up an octave. “Dinosaurs?”

“Oh yeah, you should have seen him that time we got stuck in the Cretaceous period. Such a nerd.”

Ed was positively vibrating with joy.

“I have a hard time shopping for him, though,” Superman continued. “Last Christmas, I got him this puzzle box that was supposed to be the hardest one ever designed.”

“I’ll bet he solved it in under a minute,” Oswald sulked.

“He did, the jerk.”

“I’m sure he still very much appreciated the gift and doesn’t need to be guilt-tripped for being smarter than toy designers, thank you very much.”

~

“I feel your every move, I know your every thought. I’m with you from birth, and I’ll see you when you rot.”

“A reflection. I mean, not that reflections can feel or know anything because they’re just light projections, but that’s the answer.”

“Too easy, it seems.”

“Unless Mirror Master is involved, I guess. I’d have to ask Flash.”

“No one cares about Flash,” Ed snapped. “Here’s another one. I can be a member of a group, but I can never blend in. What am I?”

“Hm… that’s tough.”

“Do you give up?”

“Alright, what is it?”

“An individual.”

“But individuals blend in all the time. Standing out is usually harder.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh, okay. These do seem to be running on a theme. Self-identity?”

“A good riddle reveals the asker. To solve it is to solve the mystery of the person posing it.”

Superman nodded. “Go on.”

“I used to be dull, boring, gray. I used these when I first became the Riddler. I was going through some stuff.”

Oswald didn’t know that. He hadn’t heard these riddles before. It annoyed him that Ed was sharing them with Superman, of all people.

“But you came through it,” Superman said. “You found who you are. I am so happy for you.”

“He is literally a serial killer,” Oswald interjected.

“Not so happy about that part. But I just mean it’s not always easy to accept who you are and reconcile that with who you want to be.”

“You saying you struggle with that?” Ed asked. “Why on Earth would you ever want to be anything but Superman? You’re powerful, influential, adored, respected, _feared_ …”

“True, and parts of that are great. Not so much the feared bit. And I’m not saying I don’t love being a hero. The things I’ve seen, the things I’ve done, are extraordinary and beautiful. But it’s tough on relationships. Things get… complicated. People are complicated.”

“Then drop them. I don’t understand why you would want that mess to begin with.”

“You don’t understand why I might want to be able to spend time with someone I love? To take a night once in a while to watch television on the couch? To be happy and share my life with someone I love? You know, like you two.”

“I beg your pardon?” Ed said sharply.

Oswald turned a bit to look at them over his shoulder.

“Well, just… you two seem so happy and at peace with yourselves and each other. It’s not easy to find that level of acceptance and understanding. You two are very lucky.”

“How did you know we are together? Don’t tell me Batman gossips about us up on the Watchtower.”

“I wish. Getting gossip out of Batman is a battle all by itself. But it’s obvious. Mr. Copplepot’s heart rate goes up when you brush shoulders. And Mr. Nygma, your oxytocin levels shoot up whenever he speaks.”

“I have follow-up questions,” Ed said.

“Yeah, sorry. I don’t mean to eavesdrop or anything, but I can hear your heartbeat.”

“And the oxytocin?”

“I can… smell it.”

“I’m sorry, did you say smell?”

“Yeeeah~.”

“That is disgusting,” Oswald said at the same time as Ed’s, “That is fascinating.”

“Those do tend to be the two reactions I get, yeah. But also, you’re holding pinkies behind your back, which I think is adorable.”

Ed and Oswald’s hands snapped back to themselves.

~

“The truth is,” Superman said, “that no matter how much you try to put them first, and no matter how much they try to understand, you will always leave them behind. Because push come to shove, we will always put the job first, and that’s not fair to anyone.”

Superman was hunched a bit, talking about his relationship woes. Oswald couldn’t see him, but he felt Ed’s annoyance with the topic. He wanted to go back to riddles.

“Then don’t,” Ed said. “Be with someone that does understand. Another hero.”

Oswald smiled to himself and did his best to link his fingers with Ed’s behind their backs. The cords tying their hands rubbed together, chaffing.

“Work relationships are messy.”

“As we’ve established, they’re always messy. But at least they’re honest.”

~

“Okay, so here’s one for you,” Superman said to Ed. “What kind of room has no windows or doors?”

“Mushroom!” Ed exclaimed. “It’s a mushroom.”

“That’s a dad joke,” Oswald complained. “Where’d you even hear that?”

“Batman.”

~

Ed and Superman chatted away at each other, so Oswald was the first to notice the shadow pass over them and settle on a nearby roof.

“I’ve told you to stay out of Gotham,” the shadow growled.

Superman’s whole face lit up with his smile. He stood and turned to face the dark patch against the slightly less dark background.

“And I’ve told you that you’re not the boss of me.”

Batman swooped down to them but stayed outside the street lamp’s ring of light.

“Their escort is two blocks away. You can leave now.”

Apparently just to annoy Batman further, Superman turned to Ed and Oswald. “Mr. Nygma, Mr. Copplepot, it was very nice to meet you both.”

“Oh, Ed, please,” Ed corrected. 

Oswald scowled. When had Ed ever once said that?

“Ed,” Superman repeated.

“Don’t be friendly with the supervillains,” Batman ordered.

Superman just smiled again. “Good night to you both.”

A police escort van turned onto their street. Oswald and Ed both stood in preparation of being dragged away.

“Good night, Superman,” Ed said.

But Superman had already turned back to Batman.

“Have you considered being _more_ friendly to your supervillains?”

“No.”

“Ed?” Oswald said to get his attention.

“Hm?”

“I cannot be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance.”

The police officers pulled the van over and got out. One pulled out her phone to take a picture of Superman hovering there. The hero waved at the camera, but he still faced Batman crouched a ways behind them.

“Is there anywhere around here that sells apple pie at this time of night?” Superman asked of his dark knight.

Much more quietly, Batman muttered, “Yes.”

“I’m worthless to one but priceless to two,” Ed responded.

Two officers grabbed them by their shoulders and steered them to the back of the van.

“Do you think they realize?” Oswald asked.

“Doubt it,” Ed answered. “They’re both kind of morons.”

“No talking,” one officer said.

In the back of the van, the Penguin and the Riddler were cuffed and chained to the benches. Once the officers had taken their own seats and the van started to move again, Oswald spoke once more.

“And Ed?”

“Hm?”

“Those gray, boring people? You never were like them.”

Edward smiled, and it lit up Oswald’s whole world.

**Author's Note:**

> I love them. I just.... I love them so much.
> 
> Edit 10/3/2020: Geniusbeee drew me this adorable work. Go check it out. https://twitter.com/geniusbeee/status/1312574823059525634/photo/1


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